I Feel Safe

I do not have the strength to fight back...

I do not have the inspiration to go through tough times...

I am not ready to cope

By all means

Not any more

To fight my demons...

To accept fate...

All I know is that with

All my weaknesses

All my fragility

All my resentment

All my sensitivity

I am going to do the right thing

My vessel is going to embark on 

A safe haven

Some day I'll no longer hold

This heavy burden on my shoulders

 Nor fear these dark shadows

Lurking at the back of my mind

And all.. all will be fine.

###

Noha Haggag

22 June, 2017 

Servants in Victorian Britain Vs. Royal Arab Gulf

As I was watching a documentary titled "Servants: The True Story of Life Below Stairs. Part 1 of 3 - Knowing Your Place." I could not help but relate it to an experience I have witnessed in a royal Arab household; not as a servant, though, but as a private tutor. The details that caught my attention in the documentary denoted a lucid similarity between the army of servants in one British household and the mansions and households of royalties in the Arab Gulf. Generally speaking, the similarities were between the two eras themselves and whatever may have been related to them. According to Dr. Pamela Cox, Essex University, grand country houses sprung all over Britain in the second half of the eighteenth century and the fist half of the nineteenth as a result of the what she calls "the new wealth of the British Empire and the Industrial Revolution". A similar situation marks the abrupt prominence of wealthy households in the Arab Gulf. (I will be referring to it as the Gulf from now on). The Gulf and its dominating families which rules its countries were fortunate to have "oil"in their lands. Prior to the discovery of oil in the Gulf, history tells of a Bedwian, nomadic lifestyle that prevailed in the whole territory. Arabs in the Gulf did not have the concept of building mansions or using a sewage system; even having water taps in their vicinity was considered "haram" or blasphemous as Dr. Aisha Abdel Rahman tells the readers in her book "Land of miracles". That book she wrote was about her experience as an alumnus in a scholarship programme in the Egyptian University on the outset of the year 1951. As a part of that programme, students were allowed either a visit to the holy land to perform pilgrimage or a visit to the Sudan. The description of people in the Gulf at that time is quite bewildering since their heritage, religion and traditions were mixed  with every aspect of their lives. The results of such a mixture varied between the extremes of being utterly noisome, and completely hilarious. Nowadays, the Arabs of the Gulf's attitude is somewhat refined and modernized. Yet, the three elements of: heritage, religion, and traditions still tamper with their manners and attitudes towards each other, as well as foreigners. 
Hierarchy seemed to be a necessity of life in Victorian England, and is an indispensable trait of the life of the monarchy in the Gulf. In the documentary, Cox goes to Erddig Hall, Clwyd, to investigate more about the Victorian subject. A huge residence with minute intricacies that require the utmost care. Very similar to royal households in the Gulf nowadays, which contain an abundance of very extravagant and precious items. The Victorian elite and the royal Arabs share the same attribute of wanting to look lavish, and having a well-kept property at all time. The size of the property itself, is quite crucial for both lifestyles of the Victorians and Arabs. Their mansions and households are known for having a great landscape where botany mattered immensely. The inside of their households encompassed a myriad of rooms for multiple purposes. Their kitchens are huge and well-equipped. However, the servants's hierarchy was much more apparent in the Victorian era. The servant had posts such as: butlers, coachmen, footmen, housekeepers, head housemaids, housemaids, cooks, kitchen maids, dairy maids, scullery maids, laundry maids and hall-boys . Another form of hierarchy also took place apart from the servants', which included governors, head nurses, under nurses, ladies's maids and valets. In the Gulf, with the advent of technology, there is no need for dairy maids, laundry maids, coachmen and footmen; but there is still a need for all sorts of maids and servants without the same process of giving them job titles. It is enough to know how close a servant is to her master or mistress to know exactly their position in the unnamed hierarchy. Also in the parallel hierarchy there is no necessity to have a head nurse or an under nurse; high ranked hospitals can do the job even better. 

In Victorian England worked for approximately seventeen hours per day. In the Arab Gulf, servants do not work less than that, but even more. They are summoned at any time for the convenience of their masters. 
For the same purpose, many of the servants actually live in the main household, to be close to their employers; a privilege not all servants enjoy. Having outhouses to serve the main household is a necessity by all means. In these outhouses, some of the house chores are to be done, in both Victorian England and the Gulf. Moreover, servants of lower ranks can sleep and have their own wardrobe. In Victorian England only the butler, the housekeeper and the other high-ranked servants in the hierarchy could have their own rooms in the main household; a privilege Gulf servants are not entitled to in the main household. Normally in the Gulf, chief servants -as well as some of the minor ones serving children royalty- have a mattress thrown somewhere in the corner awaiting to e summoned at any time, then in their rare free time they go to the outhouse servants' quarter where they can enjoy the luxury of having their own bed in a small room with so many beds and a couple of wardrobes when they can all stash their few possessions and their travel suitcases.
Mentioning suitcases, brings a horrible fact to mind concerning the nature of the serving staff in both case. While servants in Victorian England were mainly British from a lower caste, servants in the Gulf are never Gulf citizens. Gulf royalty and citizens in general hire foreign servants from countries like: Indonesia, the Philippines, Malaysia, and Bangladesh. In some rare cases the servants can be Arabs from countries like: Morocco,(and recently Syrians); and and in other rarer cases they would be Egyptians. And normally the Arab servants have the top-hierarchical positions in the household; most probably because they come from a close background to their employers and there is no language barrier between them which renders communication quite comfortable. In all cases, British servants in Victorian England and foreign labour in the Gulf household are naturally looked down upon by their masters and even outsiders. The only difference is the the British took bride in their army of servants and used to honour them collectively by taking photos of the serving staff and by writing poems in their praise. 

There are many points to cover in this video, but I shall wait to get a response from you, blog readers and followers, such points are:

- Household manuals (7:50 in the video)
- Difference in pay between servants in Victorian and Arabin Gulf households (14:20)
- Servants' uniforms in Victorian England and the Gulf 

Hope to get your feedback soon :)

(TBC)

Noha Haggag
First published: 21 June, 2017.
Edit 1: 9 June, 2020.

video link on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqiMASk5MIU

A Balloon Safari

Life is full of contradictions. Good and evil. Sweet and bitter. Easy and hard. Me and my ex. It is so strange how sometimes opposites look confusingly similar; and oddly attract.





It’s been about two years since we broke up, and day by day things seem clearer to me. The impossibility of us being together strikes me to a T. Is it love that impedes our intuition? Or is the hope of beginning a new life with new options which entices us to go on and never mind the “minor” differences and cons? Is it the warmth of this inner feeling called ‘love’ that overwhelms relationships at the beginning, and lures us to continue being the lambs we choose to be, driven to the altar of sacrifice? Or betrayal? I do not know exactly what happened, and what my motivations were, but I remember being deeply and stupidly in love. These things happen, you know!
It was when I found out about his other affairs when I got the first slap on my unwary cheek. I had never seen that coming but the blow shook me to the bones. It woke me up. All of a sudden things did not look the way they were. I had to let go and never lag. It was not worth it any way. It was not worth the wait, the pain, the confusion and the bitterness. I did not want to go into that phase of blaming myself and asking a million questions revolving around “what went wrong?” It was not worth it because he cheated. Had he confronted me with whatever he thought was wrong, I’d have bothered to go through the process. But he opted for cheating, and I … I opted for leaving. Oprah once said in her show: “If the horse is dead, leave the carriage”. I left that dead horse and got out of the carriage and a new life was dawning on me.
“Single and proud” has never been my motto in life. One should never be proud of something he cannot control. By the same token, “committed and proud” is never a motto. But if you are happy in either case, you are a winner. Pride has nothing to do with one’s relationship status; but happiness does. I can’t say that I am a hundred percent happy, though. Who is? But I am happy. Happy enough to know that life is worth living. Happy enough to realize there is more to life than having to commit to someone who is not committed to you. Happy enough to understand that I deserve something better.

Isn’t it odd how the two words “bitter” and “better” look a like! You just have to remove the “I” and replace it with “E” to end up with a totally different meaning. I removed the “I” not only from my bitter past, but from my life in general. It is better all the way now. I look for better options, better quality of things I buy and use, better ways to do my job. I forgot to tell you I am a government employee. I work at the University Administration office. Many students come by everyday. They are young and hopeful. They have high hopes of fulfilling their individual dreams one day. I like it. I like seeing them. Their optimistic view of life spurs many positive ions into my veins. I end my day not feeling exhausted but refreshed. It’s as if I get a blood transfusion on daily basis. Unlike my colleagues who look fatigued all the time and… sad. Most of them are married, but there are some who are still single like myself. I do not think marriage is to blame here. Then, why do I feel different from them? They sometimes tell me they envy me for looking good and being so energetic almost all the time. I have my down moments, too, you know. I attribute this to my past; or maybe my attitude towards my past. I have been through some hardships like every one of us, but I chose to learn from them. After all, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. No body is perfect. I am not perfect. I sure did some mistakes in the past but I know I am not going to repeat them. No..No. Do not get me wrong. I am going to love again but I won’t choose my significant other based on the same criteria I used when I chose my ex. Different options always lead you to different results. And I am headed to totally different options, different people; even different places.
I do not want it to look that simple, though, because I do not want you to get the impression that this has been an easy process for me. I went through a lot of agony, lonely times, and a brief period of depression. That’s when I decided I cannot go on with this any longer. Life is not one person (including myself). Life is not about me or someone I love. It is about more of us. It is a journey; and when someone is on a journey they are normally accompanied by other people and multiple equipment. I like to think of life as a balloon safari. You blow some hot air in the balloon. You rise up in the sky. The higher you go, the smaller landscape gets. You get a perfect view of the whole landscape, and see your life for what it really is. Isn’t it weird how things look clearer from afar? It is to me. Then, if you want to go higher on a balloon, you have to throw away some weight. To go even higher, you throw away more weight. But if you want to come closer, you must decrease the heat. And as you get closer, you see more details and everything is bigger once again.



Life is full of contradictions. Big and small. Hot and cold. High and low. This is how things attract. This is how life works.


Noha Haggag



Thursday, 15 June, 2017


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